And Maybe Someday We'll Figure All This Out
by high-off-music
Summary: On horrible jobs, love, loss, swingsets, babies, growing up, and finding that deep down even when things seem hopeless, if you've got someone by your side that loves you and the courage to make it through, life doesn't seem quite so scary any more.
1. Playsets and phone calls

Disclaimer: I don't own KH, or the song _Someday_ by Rob Thomas

_"And maybe someday we'll figure all this out, Try to put an end to all our doubt, Try to find a way to make things better now, And maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud, We'll be better off somehow, Someday..."_

I hated my job. Every day, day in and day out, I typed for hours on end, got a crappy half an hour lunch break where I had to sit and talk to people I didn't even like, and then do it all again when I woke up the next day, fifty hours, five days a week. Today had been no better than the rest, and I grumbled silently to myself as I took the bus from my office building in the business district downtown to my home. I lived with Roxas, the love of my life, in a small two-bedroom house with a small little back yard with a play set, and porch with two lawn chairs propped up on it with a make-shift side table between them.

Roxas was your typical blonde haired blue eyed angel, short but not child sized, with hair that like mine defied gravity, a temper that could flick on and off like a switch, and a smile that could melt me in seconds after getting home. Roxas was four years younger than me, finishing up his masters degree for business at some fancy schmancy University across town. The reason we lived here, and why I had such a shit job, was because it was close by Roxas's University, I got decent pay regardless of how much I hated it, and we rented our house and it didn't break our bank. Though, I never really told Roxas the full extent of how much I hated this job, or that I had a better offer in a city a few hours from here, but I never felt a reason to. I loved Roxas with all my heart, and to see him happy and finishing his college education at the University he had worked his butt off to get into was more than enough to make up for my job.

Today was a pretty normal day, and I got home sullen and with a semi-permanent scowl on my face, until I heard through the screen door out back Roxas calling my name. "Hey Axel! I'm out back." His voice soothed the scowl on my face to a tired look and I told him I'd be there in a sec. I ventured into our bedroom and threw my work clothes off and into the laundry hamper and dawned a more comfortable outfit of blue basketball shorts and a white t-shirt that Roxas always liked because it hugged my frame. Of course, I thought it was comfortable too, Roxas wasn't the only reason I wore it, just the most important reason I figured.

With a brighter mood coming over me, I walked out back to find Roxas on the play set we had out back. It was pretty simple, with a slide and two swings attached in a line, but it had come with the property and we weren't going to argue with free things. He sat poised on the top of the slide, a textbook on his lap and a pen being gnawed on in his hand and intently read whatever boring chapter he was one. He was adorable sitting there with his eyebrows scrunched together in concentration, and I chuckled to myself as I sat down in the swing closest to him.

"Long day?" He asked as I swayed back and forth on my swing, my long legs pushed almost up to my chest to avoid dragging too much on the ground.

I sighed. "Aren't they all." With that I pushed off hard off the ground and began to swing. I pumped my legs back and forth and went as high as I dared without tipping over the somewhat unsteady play set. Below me I could hear Roxas's twinkling laugh float up to my ears.

"Axel slow down! You're going to tip this whole thing over." Him laughing made me laugh, and in a fit of laughter I dug my heels into the dirt to stop myself. We laughed for no real reason besides we were happy to be together, until our stomach started to hurt and Roxas almost tumbled down the slide. When we composed ourselves and wiped the laughter induced tears from our eyes I stood up and, even though Roxas was sitting on top of the slide, I was still at eye level with him. I wasn't sure where my next move came from, maybe just from a long day or from the fact that in the aftermath of his laughter his cheeks were flushed and his eyes twinkled in such a way that I could hardly take a decent breath in.

"I love you," I told him gently, a smirk on my lips and one arm leaned up against the handles on the slide above him.

"You're such a softie sometimes." Roxas replied, trying to hold back his own smirk and looked down at his book in fake concentration for all of ten seconds before looking back up at me. "I love you too." He leaned over and placed one hand against my face to bring me closer to him as his lips brushed over mine. I moved the hand I had placed by his head on that back of his soft blonde spikes and pulled him towards be, effectively deepening our kiss. He sighed happily into our kiss, his free hand reaching up to tangle itself into my unruly red hair.

After a few blissful minutes we pulled away, breathless and lips tingling from the contact. As we caught out breath and looked into each other's eyes, Roxas said a peculiar comment.

"Would it be weird if I said I want you take me, right here and now, on this slide?" I stared at him for a few moments, before I couldn't stop the laugh that slipped between my lips, and again we found ourselves in a fit of laughter.

When we managed for a second time to compose ourselves, I leaned in next to his ear and whispered in the most sultry voice I could muster at five o'clock in the afternoon. "I'd take you anywhere, babe." Roxas shivered, and tried to playfully push me away, but failed as I latched myself on to his neck and left kisses along it, moving as slowly as I could.

I knew his neck was like his Achilles heel, and when I planted one a kiss at the junction between his neck and collarbone and blew a small stream of cold breath onto it he let out a low moan and was like putty in my hands. I took this moment to slip my hand up the front of his shirt and let my hand roam freely along the contours of his well-defined torso. "A-Axel." He breathed out, his fingers curling tighter into my hair. "We, we shouldn't do th-this out here people can see-ngh." At the end his sentence I pressed my lips against his to silence him.

"Roxas, the Jamison's aren't home for the week they're on vacation somewhere tropical I don't care enough to remember, and your cousin and his boyfriend are out in their yard next door all the time getting it on, they won't care. This is definitely one of those, now or never moments." I don't think Roxas really heard a word of what I had said though, because my hand had wandered its way down to the button on his jeans and began unlatching it.

"But, it's the-ah! It's the principle of the thing." My fingers teased the elastic band of his boxers and he let out a strangled groan. With a smirk I pulled away, separating us completely and standing up while straightening my t-shirt.

"Alright, fine. If you really don't want to that bad, we don't have to." Roxas looked up at me, a murderous look on his face, and after shoving his textbook off his lap he slid down the slide so he was laying down with his feet planted firmly on the ground.

"Get. Over. Here." He said, trying to hold down his laugh, and I pretended to be uninterested.

I stretched my arms out and pretended to yawn. "Nah, it was a long day and I'm pretty tired. Maybe later." Just I was about to walk away I felt Roxas grab my arm and pull me back. For a shrimp he was pretty strong, and the tug made me lose my balance and fall on top of him.

"Bastard." He mumbled through his lips as me practically shoved his tongue down my throat. I smirked into the kiss, but didn't let him keep his dominance for long. With new found exhilaration I pulled his jeans down to his knees and ground down against his forming boxer clad erection. Just as I was about to finger the elastic of his boxers for a second time, taking full advantage of the fact that I would probably never get the opportunity to get at Roxas outside like this for a long time, we were interrupted.

I always hated phones, and the moment the annoying ringing sounded from inside I could feel something sink in both of our stomach's. Great. "Just let it ring," I mumbled to Roxas regardless, pressing my lips against his to distract ourselves. Once the fourth ring ended and silence hit our ears I felt Roxas slip his hands up underneath my shirt, a feeling of relief settling in without the phone to distract us.

I let out a low 'shit' when the ringing started up again. We looked each other in the eyes for a moment, and with heavy sighs we peeled ourselves apart and headed for the house. "This would happen to us…" Roxas mumbled as he strode ahead of me, determined to shut up our phone long enough for us to…get back to business. Of course, the problem in my shorts wasn't making the trip any more enjoyable, but we figured if someone was calling twice it probably had to be kind of important.

"If it's the Red Cross I swear they'll get blood, but not the kind they're looking for." Roxas grumbled out as he picked up the phone and pressed the talk button. "Hello, Roxas speaking…Hey mom, what's up?"

Shit, of all the times for his mother to call for a friendly catch-up talk...

"What?" Roxas's urgent and raised voice captured my full attention. "But…is she ok?...Oh, oh God…"

There's something unsettling and heart-wrenching about watching someone get bad news, the kind of bad news that takes their breath away and gives them that sickening feeling in their stomachs and buckles their knees. Watching Roxas, though, as his voice caught in his throat and his knees shook so bad I had to bolt across the kitchen to let him lean against me so he didn't end up sprawled out across the kitchen floor, broke my heart. "Roxas!" I shouted, as I gently tried to shake his shoulder to get him to snap out of that glazed over look in his eyes, but he remained somewhat out of it.

The phone slipped so gently out of his hand and quietly thudded onto the floor that I almost didn't want to disturb it. I heard through the receiver, even though it was a good couple feet away from my ear, the frantic voice of his mother shouting for Roxas. Taking up my role as the good responsible boyfriend I picked up the handset and pressed the receiver still warm for being near Roxas's head against my ear.

"Sorry Tifa, I don't think Roxas can talk right now. He's all right though; I think you just shocked him." I tried to remain calm and act as if Roxas's brain hadn't just shut down as I held him in my arms, but I knew a hint of panic escaped in my voice.

"Axel, is that you?" The familiar voice of one Tifa Strife rang out loudly into my ear, and I could tell she was crying, but just from Roxas I wasn't sure.

"Yeah, it's me." I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't want to ask, since it seemed to be a family related problem. Sure, Roxas's family and I were pretty close, but I didn't want to overstep my boundaries as boyfriend.

"Axel…You and Roxas should come over as soon as you can." There was such a sense of urgency and despair in her voice it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight. I looked down at Roxas to see him coming out of his initial shocked state, but he still didn't look all there. "It's about…Na-Namine." This time I felt my own breath catch in my throat. Namine was Roxas's older sister. She had just had a baby boy a few months ago, and her and her fiancé lived in Hollow Bastion, the same city her and Roxas had grown up in. She was like a sister to me, one of the first members of their family to really warm up to be being Roxas's boyfriend.

I tried to summon up my strength to get my next words out without my voice cracking. "Is…is she, I mean, is everything….is she all right?"

The sob I heard come piercing through the receiver, coupled with the state Roxas was in in my arms confirmed my worst fears.

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><p>I took up the task of driving an hour and a half to Hallow Bastion with Roxas half-asleep in the passenger seat. He was exhausted from crying, and although I was heart-broken and my eyes were still red and puffy from crying, I was in a better physical and emotional state than he was to make the drive, though not by much.<p>

It took some time for all of us to calm down and bring ourselves back to reality just long enough to figure out what happened. Tifa had a horribly hard time retelling the story, which was understandable, and was why about halfway through the receiver was passed and Cloud, Roxas's father, continued for her. The complete devastation in his voice was just as apparent as with Tifa, but he held back his tears long enough for the story to be passed on to the two of us. The phone was in Roxas's hands on speaker phone as I wrapped my arms tightly around him, rocking him lightly when the silent sobs and free-flowing tears became too much for him to handle.

Namine and her fiancé Marluxia, set to be married in the summer, had been driving back from a long weekend visiting friends in another state. Their son, a lively seven month old baby boy with blonde hair and big blue eyes that made him look like the spitting image of Roxas named Ventus, had been at home with Roxas's parents since it was a long trip. The couple had been driving home early that morning, and were running later than they had wanted to. Marluxia, though I always warned him about it since I had known him since I was younger, drove fast, especially when stressed or in a hurry. It wasn't their fault speed wise that that guy had run a stop sign, but it didn't do them any good. Namine had been hit first, and died on impact. It was a quick and virtually painless way to go, which was little to rejoice about, but gave a tiny sliver of comfort. Marluxia died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Cloud had told us, with great difficulty, that Marluxia had been in and out of consciousness and asked the EMT about Namine. They told him to just rest, that she wasn't in pain now. I think he knew what that meant though, cause a few minutes later he was gone right after her.

In another lifetime that would be a story about the power of true love. In our lives, it was a story of complete loss and disaster. Ventus was parentless, Roxas was sister less, and Cloud and Tifa were daughterless, and would never had Marluxia as a son-in-law. True, Cloud hadn't been fond of Marluxia in the very beginning, with his bright pink hair and somewhat cocky disposition, or that he had gotten innocent little Namine pregnant out of wedlock, but he loved Namine with all his heart, and no one could argue with that.

"Axel?" Roxas's voice was hoarse from crying, and I found it hard to believe only a couple hours ago we had been laughing till our stomach's hurt and the biggest concern on our minds was not getting caught having sex in the backyard on the slide.

"Yeah, Rox?" I answered quietly, keeping most of my focus on the roads, since even though I wasn't speeding and it wasn't bad weather, I wasn't taking any chances today. Especially not with Roxas by my side.

"What do you think'll happen to Ventus?" Roxas had a strong connection with the little guy, maybe because they looked so much alike, and I knew he would be wondering about him soon.

I sighed. Really, I had no idea. Cloud and Tifa weren't old by any means, but having to raise another kid, unexpectantly at that, would be more than likely too much for them to handle. "I wish I knew Rox, I really do."

"Do you think….no, never mind. It's a dumb idea." During our brief exchange he had turned towards me, but with that he curled up again facing the window. I was about to ask him what was on his mind, but I had a feeling I already knew. It was a thought involving Ventus that had already crossed my mind a few times. But, could Roxas and I really take care of a kid? An infant at that? No, that was too much to think of right now. I turned on the radio to fill some of the silence in my head and kept my watchful gaze on the road.

It wouldn't be till a few days later that I would figure out the answer to Roxas's unspoken question. I hadn't known then, but we would soon be making this same trip back, but with a certain blonde-haired addition strapped into a car seat in the back seat looking at me in the rearview mirror through happy big blue eyes, unaware for the most part of the tragedy that had just washed over his family.

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><p>Hey guys! The same with a lot of my stories, not quite sure where this story came from, except it's got a lot of meaning for me. I'll keep updating this one the best I can if people like it, so please read and review! Reviews are always so helpful for me and I love getting them :) thanks again!<p> 


	2. Manly hugs and casserole dishes

Wow, so my apologies for never getting this second chapter up until months later! I really do want to continue this story, but with school and work and life in general I got a bit sidetracked, but please stick with me! I promise it won't be nearly as long until the next chapter is up, thanks for sticking with me guys and thanks to everyone who fav./alert./reviewed!

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><p>It wasn't till dark when we reached the Strife's house. The house was the same as I remembered it being from the last time I was here for Christmas, but with the recent events laying heavy on our hearts the old house seemed different. And when we made our way inside, I realized it was because of the empty feeling it seemed to spill out from every surface. With Namine gone, there was an off balance, something that could be felt the moment you walked inside.<p>

Roxas hurried off to find his parents since he didn't bother knocking at his own home, which left me to grab his coat off the ground where he threw it and to move his shoes to the mat beside the door. I had some experience with losing family members, and making sure everything else was in order like shoes and coats was a small comfort in hard times. I followed the sounds of crying down the main hallway and through the kitchen to the living room. Although the cars out front should have warned me, my senses were unexpectantly overloaded my close family and friends scattered around the room.

Most people didn't notice when I walked in, but the ones that did I gave sympathetic nods to as I made my way over to Roxas, my hands stuffed in my pockets as I tried to keep my own emotions at bay. Nothing would be worse than crying in front of Roxas's parents and making them cry even more. As Roxas hugged his mother as she cried into his shoulder, I walked up quietly to where Cloud stood beside them, a far of look in his eyes. This wasn't too uncharacteristic of Cloud, but when I was close enough for him to sense me and he turned in my direction, the sadness pooling in his eyes was so unnatural for him it briefly took me off guard.

Around Cloud I was normally intimidated, and in this situation I was doubly so because I didn't trust my voice to say the right thing, or anything at that matter, without blubbering like a baby. We stood in silence for a few seconds, before I cleared my throat and tried to test the waters with a shaky voice. "I'm so sorry, Cloud." Was about all I could manage before my voice began to break, but Cloud seemed to understand that there was more meaning and sympathy in those four words that I just didn't have the ability to say in any other way. But then, Cloud did something that took me completely off guard.

He hugged me. Yes, that's right, Cloud Strife, all six foot five and burly muscular man, hugged all of my six foot six lanky ass self. But when I recovered from the shock I hugged him back, because in situations like these you don't normally act like your normal self. He pulled away after a few seconds, and when I saw his face, I realized that was his way of thanking me. If I couldn't trust my voice to not break down, I imagined the hug was because he didn't have the strength to try and tell me anything. I felt his hand rest on my shoulder and give it a painful squeeze, and with a heavy sigh he closed his eyes. "Thank you." Was the only verbal recognition I received, and though it was whispered and shaky, I was touched.

"Uncle Cloud…" We both turned suddenly as Cloud was assaulted in the form of a hug from the side by a mass of spikey brown hair. I realized Sora must have gotten the news around the same time as us, but we had been so preoccupied with packing a few things as fast as possible and jumping in our car that the fact that Roxas and Namine's cousin lived right next door. As Cloud embraced his nephew and rubbed his back gently while trying to hold back tears, I scanned the room for a familiar silver haired guy that was never too far from Sora's side.

Riku, like I suspected, was by the door putting down their bags. We locked eyes from across the room, but neither of us could manage a smile even in greeting. The mood was too somber, and although I normally had a wise-crack or joke of some kind lingering in my mind, nothing even remotely surfaced. Riku nodded solemnly, and I returned the gesture before he was blocked form my few from a close family friend offering a sympathetic few words.

My family and neighbors had never been close, for mixed reasons, which was why I always found Roxas's family and family friends' dynamics so interesting. Sure, Sora and Namine were technically cousins, but the two of them, plus Roxas, were like triplets. They all looked identical save from Sora's brown hair, and from what Roxas told me growing up they were inseparable. Their family was always close; the titles of aunts or cousins didn't mean anything. It always seemed like everyone was so close they were all either a sister or brother, mother or father. Riku fell into the mix since he'd lived down the street and been friends with Sora since they were seven years old. As far as people were concerned, as Riku struggled to make it completely across the room being stopped every few feet to talk to another family members of neighbor, Riku was part of the family just as much as Sora and Roxas were.

In some cases, as I stood solemnly waiting from Roxas to emotionally calm himself down enough to pull himself away from his mother, I was a stranger in this tightly knit family. I loved Cloud and Tifa as my own parents, and Riku and Sora were like brothers to me, and Namine had been…oh Namine, she was the sister I never had. God, pull yourself together man, I thought to myself as I wiped away a few stray tears pooling up in my eyes. Be strong for everyone, be strong for Roxas.

"Hey, Axel," I turned to see Riku, having finally made it across the room. "How are you holding up?"

I chuckled, but the sound was bitter. "As well as to be expected, you?" He shrugged, and I took that as a similar response as mine. Riku was never one to spill his emotions, unless it was about Sora, then he never seemed to shut up. We briefly chatted about how the drive up, and how Sora and Roxas had taken the news, but in hushed tones so they wouldn't hear.

"Sora fucking lost it when he came home from work. He got let out late, and by the time he got there I had already talked to his mom. He knew something was wrong the second he walked in the house." Riku paused, clearing his throat. "Poor guy's always been sensitive, it's one of the things I love about him, but this… this nearly broke him." As I nodded, and was about to quietly describe to Riku how Roxas was handling the news I saw Roxas had broken his hug with his mother. Taking as my cue to go give my condolences I excused myself from Riku and made my way over to the mother and son.

"Oh, Axel!" Tifa exclaimed as I weaved between a few family members and appeared by Roxas's side. I only had time to put a comforting hand on Roxas's shoulder for a few seconds before Tifa pulled me into a tight hug. Tifa was such an interesting woman, stronger than half the guys I knew and with her rather large…assets, she stuck out in a crowd. But she was one of the sweetest people I knew, and as I hugged her back I felt my shoulder grow damp from tears.

Cloud told me one time, at a party they had thrown for their good friends Aerith and Zack Fair's engagement as Tifa ran about taking on the roles of hostess, chef, and best friend all at once, that he strongly believed Tifa's 'assets' were so big because her heart was twice the size of normal people's. This caught me strongly off guard, since I had only been dating Roxas for a few weeks and Cloud normally never said more than a few pleasantries to me. Roxas, on the other hand, spit out the soda he had been drinking all of the counter in hysterics and Sora and Riku, who never seemed to be far away from us, laughed so hard they nearly fell off their chairs. But Cloud was the only one not laughing, so I quietly told him, just loud enough so he could hear me over the laughter, that that probably wasn't far from the truth. I liked to believe that was the day Cloud really accepted me as Roxas's boyfriend. However, to this day Cloud will deny the story to anyone who asks, and blames it on be heavily intoxicated from the party.

But we both know the truth.

I patted Tifa's back gently and tried to get her to calm down a bit, but it wasn't easy. "A-Axel," she managed to tell me between sobs, "you're like another child to us, and we love you like one of our own. Thank you for coming today, it means so much to us." I was left momentarily speechless, and all I could do was hug her back tighter.

By the time the rounds were done, and most every close family member or friend was hugged and sympathies were expressed, most people had filled out and the house was vaguely quiet. I sat beside Roxas on the floor of the family room with Sora, Riku, Cloud, and Tifa. I felt so helpless, unable to say anything to break the horrible silence taking over, but the doorbell came to our aide.

Before anyone could move from their seats, the door out of our view could be heard opening and a sweet twinkling voice floated down the hallways. "I brought dinner and hugs."

Tifa all but flew off the couch and raced down the hallway, with Cloud not far behind her. We all knew the voice was of Aerith, and her husband Zach's rich voice mingled in with the commotion. If there was anyone that could ease the pain of this loss at least a small amount, it would be Aerith.

Roxas squeezed my hand and I looked down at where his head lay nestled against my bony shoulder, my arm draped around him for comforting purposes. "Aerith can always make things a little better." He whispered quietly to me, his voice raw from crying and sad. I moved the hand I had around him to softly comb through his blond spikes, and he instinctively moved into my touch.

"Do you want to go say hi?" I whispered as I leaned down closer to his ear, but all he did was shake his head. After a few quiet moments he responded again.

"She's my mom's friend; mom needs her the most right now, same with Cloud and Zach. They need some time." I wanted to tell him that's what he needed too, what we all needed. Time. Time to let these open wounds heal, and time to learn how to live after this loss, but all I could manage was a gentle hand squeeze in agreement.

It didn't take long for Aerith's famous cooking smell to waft through the house, and all at once we seemed to realize just how hungry we really were. As we sat down for dinner, and I had to all but beg Roxas to just eat a little of his food, the doorbell rang again. Aerith spun out of her chair and towards the door before Tifa was halfway out of her chair. "If it's another concerned neighbor with a casserole, you don't need to deal with it right this second. Eat." Was the only reasoning she gave, and Tifa gave her a small, grateful smile.

But, when Aerith walked back in the kitchen, she surprisingly did not have a casserole, but a baby carrier. And then it dawned on all of us; Ventus. Aerith spoke quietly as she put the sleeping child on the counter. "Marluxia's parents just dropped him off; they said they had offered to let him stay with him for a few days but he was just…too much to handle in one day." Her eyes were sad, as she lovingly ran her fingers over Ventus' tiny blonde hair covered head.

I felt Roxas standup and I watched as he walked over to the sleeping baby. Like a secret baby handling pro, he picked up the sleeping infant and carefully cradled him in his arms as he made his was to sit down on the couch in the family room. His family stared off after him, and after shoveling down the last few bites of my food and thanking Aerith I followed after my beautiful, caring blonde and sat beside him on the couch. "How could… how could they just drop him off, like he's some kind of pet? Too much to handle, what kind of jack shit excuse is that? He just lost…he's too young to remember, but I feel like he knows he lost his…parents. He needs someone to be there for him." Roxas trailed off from his rambling to look up at me. I knew the question before he asked it, and I already knew my answer.

"Rox, you care about this kid so much it would break my heart if we didn't try." Blue eyes widened, and the first small smile he'd had all day graced his beautiful lips.

"Wait so…you really mean it, Ax?" Truth be told, ever since he'd brought it up in the car on the ride here I'd been going over it in my head, and I knew it would be hard, and tiring and stressful, and we'd have to do a lot of preparing in the house before we could move him in, I knew deep down we could do this.

"Of course, Rox. I think…I think Namine would have wanted it this way." Truly though, we would never know, since Namine and Marluxia never legally drew up a will specifying where Ventus would end up in their death, but no one could blame them. They were young, their son only seven months old, themselves still in their early twenties. And in all honesty, I was scared shitless about raising a kid with Roxas, but I figured if this was want he felt was right, and if legally we could get all the paper work and adoption forms approved, we could do this.

A week and a half later, after the funerals and burials were over, and lives were slowly falling back in order, along with adoption papers being processed and half of our car packed tight with baby supplies and toys and a crib, and the other half room for Roxas, myself, and a tiny car seat with a bubbly blue eyed blonde baby boy, everything seemed so much more real. Scarier, you can bet your ass on it. But when I looked into that rearview mirror at that happy little face, and looked over to see Roxas making funny faces and receiving a twinkling baby laugh in response from the back, I thought to myself hell, maybe we can pull this off.

I'd say we're going to take baby steps with this whole new life style, but that's a bit too clichéd for my tastes.


	3. Baby Food: A Secret Evil

I never really realized just how much I hated the Spanish language until I was forced to set up a crib, and the only tools I was given was a crappy two inch screwdriver at the bottom of the box and the crumpled up directions, conveniently only available in Spanish, Chinese, and what vaguely appeared to be Swedish. As I grunted in frustration at two pieces of wood that _should_ be fitting together but stubbornly refused to, I tried to smooth the instructions out for a third time, in vain, and gathered up what meager tenth grade level Spanish I still remembered. "You can do this Ax, just think. What does it mean…." I looked down at the paper.

"_Inserte primero el lado__A en__el lado B__y seguro__bien_

插入A面B面和安全緊密

Sätt sida A till sida B och säkra ordentligt"

Seeing as "Donde esta el baño?" was the only Spanish phrase I could remember, I realized quite quickly I was shit out of luck. So, I did the only manly thing I could do.

"Roxassssss!" I whined from our room upstairs to my blonde babysitting in the family room on the first floor. "I can't do this help me!" I heard a loud dramatic sigh from downstairs.

"Fine! Come down and watch Ventus then while I fix your mistakes…" The last part was mumbled, and as I hurried down the stairs I shot him a look. It appeared he hadn't wanted me to really hear what he had said when his face heated up a little and he scurried away and up the stairs. But where did that leave me? In a staring contest with a baby I had spent virtually no alone time with, even though Roxas was technically only upstairs.

Ventus was an easy going baby, all smiles and giggles, and content with whatever toy was placed in front of him, at least for a few good minutes. But I was nervous, because Ventus was still a baby, which in my world meant a fragile, breakable little person that I could easily unintentionally scar physically or emotionally. Sure, I was twenty-seven, and in theory completely capable of being responsible and mature and taking care of a child, but theories could often be proven incorrect.

A loud baby gurgle noise jolted me from my thoughts as I hurriedly kneeled down beside Ventus to see what he was up to. I was met with a face full of spit bubbles and a wide toothless smile. I grinned at the kid, making him laugh, until he lunged for a few stray locks of bright red that had sprung free of the pony tail I had attempted to contain my mane in. A painful tug and one redo of my hair later, and I had managed to grab Ventus' attention with a plastic toy elephant instead of my hair.

As the kid attempted to run the elephant around in front of himself in circles, I couldn't help but smile. In a way, I was glad that Ventus was too young to remember Namine and Marluxia. Sure, I knew when he got older he would always wonder what his real parents were like, but he would never have to experience the pain of losing parents he was close to and loved. I wished in my head that it never had happened in the first place, but since I knew I couldn't go back and undo time, I would have to be thankful with the fact that Ventus seemed unaware and happy.

"Ow, Ventus don't throw the elephant at me!" I rubbed the sore spot on my forehead where plastic had made contact and tried to be mad at the kid but it proved to be a difficult task as he laughed gleefully at my pain and clapped his hands together happily. "Here, play with something else."

I got up and rummaged through his box of toys, and picked up a few at random and placed them in front of him. It was amusing to see him run down the line, picking each up and looking it over intently, playing with it for a few moments, and then gently placing it back down to show another toy the same attention. As Ventus giggled and gurgled and smiled, I let my thought get preoccupied with going back to work tomorrow for a moment, before an unnaturally heavy silence grabbed my attention back.

When I looked up, Ventus was quietly holding a small toy car in his hands. There were people painted on the windows, a happy smiling family in bright colored clothing enjoying a happy car ride. Ventus looked up at me, and there was a look in his eyes that for a moment, I thought he really understood what had happened to his tiny world. This time, with no smiles or giggles or happy baby gurgles, he took the car and rolled it away, before picking up the next toy in the line.

Well, maybe he wasn't completely unaware. As I sat and looked at the toy car he had rolled away, I thought back to Roxas' parent's house.

_The night Ventus was brought back to Tifa and Cloud's house, he had woken up in the middle of the night crying. Since he had been in our room, Roxas attempted to comfort him, but he wouldn't stop crying. Tifa eventually came in, bleary eyed and with a nasty case of bedhead, and took Ventus from Roxas. It must have been a motherly thing, since neither Roxas nor I had any clue how to handle the situation, but Tifa seemed to know just what to do. She held him close and bounced him gently as she rubbed the back of his head. When he still didn't calm down after a few more seconds, she quietly hummed a lullaby I wasn't familiar with, and within moments Ventus was quiet. A few more minutes later and Ventus was fast asleep. When Roxas asked how his mother had gotten him to calm down so quickly, she sighed._

_She used to sing that lullaby to Roxas and Namine when they were little, and Namine did the same for Ventus. _

_We didn't say it out loud, but I could feel us all thinking the same thing. Somehow, even though he was so little and couldn't really remember much, he remembered enough to know the lullaby his mother sang him, which meant he could remember Namine. I wondered, in my head, if he would start missing her soon, or if he wouldn't be able to process it at all. For his little sake, I hoped for the later. _

"Axel, I finished!" Roxas called down to me, quite cockily I might add, before appearing at the top of the stairs arms crossed across his chest and smiling brilliantly. "I paid attention in Spanish, unlike some people." I sent him a look summing up my feelings toward him at that moment in time and turned away with a dramatic huff to continue playing with Ventus and his collection of toys. Roxas knelt down beside me and gave me a playful peck on the cheek, and my resolve to stay mad at him melted in seconds. Little bastard, knowing just how to manipulate me like that. God, I loved him, but God only knew why some days.

As time went by my stomach grumbled, signaling a meal time. Roxas and I's dinner consisted of cold pizza heated up from last week and a bag of salad with the browning lettuce picked out while Ventus dined on mashed peas and carrots with a side of mashed apples. Ugh, baby food choices really were as disgusting as everyone said it was.

"Come on Ventus, open up for the airplane…" Roxas cooed as he swirled the spoon full of discolored mashed something and made a sputtering engine sound as he swooped in toward Ventus' smiling mouth. About halfway through the tiny glass gars, Ventus was still smiling and laughing, along with myself, as Roxas made a fool out of himself in an attempt to entertain Ventus into eating the repulsive food. But one airplane too many ended up with a too full Ventus, and a Roxas covered in spit up mashed apples.

"Err, Houston, I think we have a problem." I laughed out as Roxas moped up the baby food from his face and glared daggers at me.

"It's not that funny…" He tried to defend himself, until Ventus decided to also let out a gleeful cheer and attempted to take a handful of goo out of the closest jar and fling it happily at Roxas's head. This, however, was where my laughter ended, seeing as Roxas was quick and ducked, and the goo ended up hitting me square in my left eye.

"Ugh, Roxas!" I grumbled, clearing a clump of goo from my eye and unsuccessfully glaring at Roxas out of one eye. My blonde only threw up his hands in defense and pointed to the baby.

"Whoa! This isn't my fault! Blame giggles over there." But of course, as we both looked at Ventus, as we were covered in baby food, it was too hard to stay mad at that sweet smiling face. I sighed in defeat, and went to stand to go find a paper towel to clean myself up with, until I felt a gentle tug on my arm. When I looked down, Roxas was looking at me with a mischievous grin, which might I add was quite the turn on. "But here, let me clean you up…." I felt my breath hitch at the first real intimate contact we'd had since the play set incident of two weeks ago as Roxas reached forward with one hand on my head pulling me towards him. I felt his tongue slowly, painfully slow, lap up some of the food on my cheek.

As I turned to capture his lips with my own, and as Roxas sent a wandering hand to secure its self on one of my belt loops, Ventus let out a squeal of delight and we leapt apart. Roxas blushed, and hurried over to grab a wet rag and clean up Ventus from his messy meal. "Got a bit carried away, didn't we?" I murmured to him as I cleared off the table from dinner and went to do the dishes.

Roxas nodded solemnly. "I just thought I had the perfect seducing moment, and then I went and forgot about the baby two feet away. Not my best plan." He laughed, before picking up Ventus and rocking him gently in his arms.

"It'll be hard to get used to a baby in the house. Things'll be different…" I added sadly, thinking of the alone time with Roxas I cherished after work, just talking or cuddling by the television, the small things that would be hard to do with an attention needing new member of the family. But seeing Roxas's sad face I perked up. "I mean, no more rampant sex in every room just because we can, no more loud sex, no more-"

"Dear god man stop it, there's a baby in the room." Roxas laughed loudly, causing Ventus to laugh, even though he didn't understand what we were saying. I smiled, and turned back to my dishes, hurrying to finish them and get the kitchen back into some semblance of order before going to find Roxas and Ventus. Roxas stuck me with the task of Ventus babysitting again as he went to put sheets and blankets on the crib before putting Ventus down for the night.

"Which story should we read?" I asked Ventus excitedly, trying to tear away with attention from the elephant used to assault me earlier. The blonde turned and crawled towards me and after a few moments of staring into the book picked up a Winnie the Pooh book at random. Content with his choice I picked him up and calmly carried him up to the room he was sharing with us, hoping to get the bedtime vibe flowing.

Like a real family, we piled onto Roxas and mine's bed with Roxas holding Ventus in his arms for story time. As I read through the story, we both watched happily as Ventus' eyes began to sleepily slide shut. By the time I had reached the last page, he was sleeping pleasantly in Roxas's arms, but I continued reading anyways, more for my own enjoyment than his. As I continued reading through the lines, Roxas placed a hand on my arm.

"The baby's asleep big guy." He whispered to me, with a playful smirk. I nodded, and looked down as I started to close the book, but not before catching a part of the last few words on the page.

"Hang on a sec, let me just read the last part." I saw Roxas roll his eyes, but I softly elbowed him so as not to wake the baby. "Listen, just listen." And I started to read again.

"_If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart…I'll always be with you in my heart." _

I looked over at Roxas to see glistening tears forming in his eyes. He always could be such a softy at times. Gently I picked up Ventus without waking him and silently placed him in his crib, after I placed a small goodnight kiss on his forehead. As I made my way back to our bed Roxas crawled over to meet me, and as I stood next to the bed Roxas knelt on the mattress and strained up to pull me into a kiss. It was passionate and powerful, but simple. It wasn't a 'hey let's fuck' kiss, but a kiss to describe feelings that were too hard to put into words. His lips were soft and sweet against mine, but there was this pull of urgency and need that wasn't like him. It didn't scare me so much as made me pull him closer, to tell him everything would be all right. As he pulled away, I saw in his eyes a swirling blue sea of confusion and uncertainty and questions unanswered. All I could do was pull him close and hold him.

"I love you Roxas, with every fiber of my being." I mumbled against his hair as his fingers dug into my back in a desperate attempt to cling to something; someone. "Whatever happens here, we'll be ok, don't forget that. We can do this. Everything will be all right."

I heard a choked back sob and held him tighter until his breathing was slower again and more or less even. "God I love you too Axel, I love you so much. Thank you. For…for everything. I love you."

I kissed the top of his head and gently separated us. I leaned in, our foreheads pressed tightly together. He smiled up at me, his eyes shining from the tears he'd just shed. I wanted to tell him how beautiful he looked, how much I loved him, how I knew he'd be a great parent for Ventus, just everything I'd been holding in since Namine's death, but I kept silent.

I'd learned there were moments for talking and moments for just shutting up and letting the beauty of the moment speak for its self. This was one of those moments.

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><p><em>"How lucky I am, to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." - A. A. Milne <em>

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><p>Hello again! See, I kept my promise, no huge waiting period between the last chapter and this one thank goodness. I've gotten a surge of inspiration for this story, and hopefully this'll mean updates will be more regular. I totally appreciate the response I've gotten with the story from alerts and my reviews, but I'll love to get more, especially reviews, to let me know everyone's feedback on this story! It would really mean the world to me, so thanks everyone who doeshas, and to everyone reading!


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